Communication Basics | |||||||||
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Our minds are crammed with information. We go at such a hectic pace, running from deadline to deadline, struggling to meet the demands of daily life. At the same time, we are bombarded with stimuli from every direction - radio, TV, email, faxes, phone calls, traffic, crowded spaces. The list goes on and on. Peace and quiet comes at a premium. Right now, stop for a moment and watch yourself think:
Having a clear, open mind to new information is the most basic requirement for working creatively and effectively with others. | |||||||||
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The goal is to observe without evaluating or judging. Robert and Michele Root-Bernstein, in their book "Sparks of Genius," point out that creative geniuses often have amazing powers of observation. The famed microbiologist Alexander Fleming is a good example. He discovered penicillin by accident when he saw mold growing on bread crumbs spilled into a petri dish. Fleming noticed the mold destroying other microbes in the dish. This single observation ushered in a whole new era for modern medicine. Are you able to observe things just as they are? For example, when you receive an upsetting email, how quickly do you fire off a response, only to later learn that you were wrong? Observing without categorizing or judging is difficult. Try standing on a busy street corner or other place where you can observe people. Then, answer these questions:
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How well do you listen? In conversations, how many times have you misunderstood because you were busy planning what to say next? Or worse, how often have you missed the entire communication because you were daydreaming? It isn't easy to truly listen to another person. While online communications aren't quite the same as face-to-face conversations, they are similar. Generally, online messages have the same informal tone as spoken messages. So while you are reading text off a screen, you can still apply the same listening skills. To help focus when listening, try asking yourself:
For more information about listening skills, follow the link to: | |||||||||
| http://www.listen.org/ | |||||||||
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Comprehension skills are critical in online environments. In face-to-face situations, we can see a person's body language, hear their tone of voice, and pick up on the unspoken, conscious and unconscious. Surely, we have all had misunderstandings during face-to-face communication. However, in online environments, where we are limited to words on a screen, the danger of misunderstanding is even greater. So, it's extra important to check your understanding of what a speaker is saying by paraphrasing. Paraphrasing is more than simply parroting back the words you hear. Rather, it is an attempt to capture the true meaning of another person's communication. Skill in using the following kinds of messages can be quite helpful:
Words are powerful. As the saying goes— | |||||||||
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| Edward Bulwer-Lytton http://www.brainyquote.com/ | |||||||||
| Words can be a double-edged sword. Carelessly used, words can have damaging effects that were not intended. To avoid getting into trouble with your words, let's explore how to use these special kinds of messages and statements. | |||||||||
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If Kim were speaking to you, how might you feel and respond to Kim's "You" message versus the "I" message? Which message would be easier for you to comprehend? "You" messages can convey blame or meanings making them hard to hear. "You" messages increase the chances the listener will respond poorly. So the overall exchange degrades. "I" messages, on the other hand, keep feelings and observations on the speaker's side, which allows the listener to better hear and respond. Although "I" messages are usually marked by use of the word "I", sometimes the "I" is implied. The point is that the speaker is not projecting his or her own point of view on to another person. The speaker assigns the communication to him or herself alone. | |||||||||
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Notice in Pat's response the implied "I" statement in "Sounds to me —" The "really frustrating week" is the clarifying response to Kim's opening. Also notice that Pat is reading between the lines to address Kim's emotional tone. | |||||||||
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As you can see in the above example, Kim verifies Pat's comprehension. As this exchange shows, speakers often give a strong positive response when they are being heard and understood. Everybody likes to be understood, no matter what. | |||||||||
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Sometimes, the listener doesn't completely catch the speaker's meaning, resulting in a different kind of verifying response. In the above exchange, Pat correctly interprets part of Kim's meaning, but misses the main point. Kim verifies that Pat partially understands and then adds the missing main point. | |||||||||
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As you can see, Pat is not only clarifying what Kim has said, but is also summarizing what has transpired between them. Summary statements become quite important in longer and more complicated conversations like in collaborative teams. | |||||||||
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